lockdown – (almost) day 1.

hi everyone!

so, as i get older, the less i write. i find it really frustrating especially because writing is all i’ve ever really wanted to do. isn’t it weird, how you end up second guessing yourself more and more, the older you get? oh to stay young and do things no matter what the risk, or what people thought of us.

it’s COVID-19 era, and many countries are going into lockdown. our Prime Minister made that difficult decision on Monday, and we officially go on lockdown at midnight tonight. most businesses are either closing or moving to work from home. i’m lucky as my work was already pretty capable of working from home, so i have a nice wee office set up in the lounge. it’s nice, i get to eat snacks all the time, and it’s quiet. my work friends & i have regular skype cup of teas together which eases the lack of social interaction.

i feel lucky. other places around the world are not so, and i am well aware of that.

so, i’ve decided to use this time wisely. i am going to write as much as i can. i’ve started a new blog which is focused on the good things. the name “whiskers on kittens” pretty much describes it perfectly – the small things that make life so great. we need that now more than ever, i think! we all gotta stop & smell the flowers sometimes. i’m also going to do yoga and go for long walks to the sea.

so, after a year-and-a-bit long hiatus, i’m back!


there’d been a storm.

There’d been a storm,

branches from trees miles up the Thames,

delivered to us as if wrapped in ribbon.

Isn’t it funny,

how everything is connected?


The trees grow,

only to fall,

only to travel,

to where we ourselves are growing.


We crossed the Tower Bridge at 4am, vodka-induced smiles

Sun rising

Water pounding the arches.

Our arms draped over the sides,

fingers reaching out, lazily.

Our eyes took in the gifts of the river.



we said.

Thanks to our home,

away from home.


For the gifts,

and for the memories.


  • Poem, from my London memories

mental health awareness week ’18.

Three weeks ago, it was Mental Health Awareness Week.


Isn’t it great that it’s 2018 and we are having these conversations? I think they’ve been coming through in ebbs and flows for a few years now – people are slowly feeling more and more comfortable to open up and let people know what they’re dealing with. Not necessarily the world; some people choose to go to social media to open up, and that can be ultimately very cleansing and eye opening (I’m sure it helps people feel less alone). Some people choose to just reach out to those closest to them.

I decided to write a post on Instagram about my dealings with mental health, and my thoughts. I have never done anything like this before, usually saving my social media platforms for pretty pictures and musings about life. I haven’t been one to even believe I dealt with mental health issues before, too. I’ve always been positive, carefree and a pretty strong, stable person. But you can be that AND deal with mental health issues, too.

I opened up about how I struggled moving back from London to my old home, dealing with relationship dramas that have occurred during my time there, and how they have affected me now. My issues are small, able to be managed, but they are still difficult to deal with.

And the response was amazing. People I know responded saying they were there for me, and a friend of mine even posted something of her own, saying she was inspired by my post. I learnt something new about her, that I never even knew. It helps us grow closer to each other, I think.

We need to know how those closest to us are feeling. Keeping things inside when you’re struggling means you are taking away the ability for those who love you to help you, and taking away your ability to heal. It’s really difficult, but it can open up a wonder of opportunities and support when you do.

I found it so moving and inspiring seeing my friends open up, so now I know to send them a message to ask if they’re doing okay. It’s the small things that help, after all.

Lou x

i’m baaaack!

Kia ora, folks.

How long has it been? A year. A flippin’ year! I can’t believe it.

I came onto my blog to check up on it, y’know, read some of the old posts, feel inspired, and think about what I’ll blog next time I blog. My last post was in JULY. 2017.

Every week, I think, I’m going to post. But then the week comes and goes in a flurry of work and social hangs, reading and watching copious amounts of Masterchef & MAFS (Married at First Sight for those who aren’t as obsessed with reality TV as I am…).

Then I thought, how am I going to post if I never post? If I could go a year just thinking about posting, I could easily go the rest of my life without posting.

So here I am! I now live back in New Zealand. I’m also now 29. I’ve already began thinking of how I’m going to spend my 30th birthday next year – a big party with all of my friends and family, and hopefully a trip to Canada and New York for Christmas. Ahh, I’m excited already. For the Canada part, not the 30 part.

But 30 ain’t so bad, right? I’m not really afraid of 30 – it just feels strange getting to the point where I’m no longer hip, no longer “down with the kids”. There is now lingo I don’t quite understand, and when I listen to the “cool” radio stations at my sister’s place in Auckland, I rarely know the songs. I’m like “this is cool!” and she’s like, it’s been on the radio for 6 months now, mate.

But everyone will go through this, so I’m not the only one. You move from your cool 20s, to your… 30s. I’ll figure out what the 30s are like when I’m in them. Hopefully minus the aches and pains my old workmate Helen told me you get.

A lot has happened in the past year. I flew a million miles on a plane back home, started two new jobs, and made wonderful new friends.

I have recently come out of a job I hated. The place was toxic – full of power play and bullying. But what I lost (self-confidence) I gained in two really amazing friends. They’re two people I can’t imagine my life without, yet I’ve only known them for a year. Crazy how life works out that way, huh?

I’m now in a job I absolutely love. I work for the Ministry for Culture and Heritage – the name had me at hello. It’s wonderful and full of creative, inspiring people and work. I’m in heaven.

I live near the beach. I read lots. I see my family a bit more now.

I’m still weirdly struggling to get used to life back here – I’ll go into that in more detail soon. It’s a tricky business moving across the whole globe to an entirely new country, setting up your life there, changing as a human being, then coming back to the place you lived before. You’ve changed, the place hasn’t. How do you slot back in?

More to come, dear friends, but I promise I won’t neglect you like I have.



Lou x


I’m not the same girl I was when I left.

(I’m so much more than I was!)

I started this blog before I moved to London because I wanted to document my travels; I felt a sense of freedom and a sense of self that I didn’t have before, and I wanted to show the world what I could be.

I am moving home in just over a month, and I am feeling that old nostalgia creeping over me like the vines over the colleges in Cambridge. The way you look around on the tube, and think “I won’t be taking this train anymore once I leave”, look fondly up at St Paul’s Cathedral and see it in a different light, or running my fingertips along the books in Foyle’s. There are places I call home here, that will probably always be home to me. They made me happy, and they were a part of my journey. There are people I don’t want to leave, and places I want to always be around.

I didn’t document my life over here as much as I intended to – I left it to instagram posts every other day, and just lived it. There are so many pictures, so many things I want to tell, but I haven’t. The stories are there though, there inside me and I know that I can share them whenever I want to. They’re not going anywhere. I did live. I saw the whole of the UK. I traveled with my sister through Italy and Greece. I went to Paris, twice, with old friends. I saw fireworks from the top of a penthouse in London on New Years Eve.

Parts of this year wasn’t easy. Sometimes when you go through something personal, it’s just that: personal. Some people find it easy to share; sometimes I do, but some things I went through this year were hard to discuss. And this blog, for me, can be quite personal. It’s not a bad thing. Sometimes it’s inspiring being vulnerable, and sharing something relatable. I know I love that in other people’s writing, feeling the same feelings that they’ve laid out on the table.

I was talking to my friend the other day, who moved to London at the same time I did. Our time is coming to a close, and we can experience those feelings together. We spoke about it a few months ago, walking along the Tower Bridge at sunset at 4 am. One of those spontaneous and surreal moments.

“It’s scary leaving. But also good… it’s a fresh start. You can do anything you want.” 

That’s how I felt when I left, and that’s how I feel now. Life is for the living, and every open door will lead to something. I’m feeling good, feeling the hot London summer wind run through my hair, taking in everything, trying not to forget any cobble stone, any corner pub, or coffee shop under a train archway.

I don’t think I ever will.


PS: Lorde’s new album came out at the perfect time.

gloomy sunday.

When I’m down, I like to be out there in the world. Being inside, in my bed, is good because you can cry as often and as much as you like, but sometimes its being outside and present that really gets you out of your funk (at least for a little while).

Yesterday, I had coffee at a new place with a friend, then Mexican at another new place. Then strolls to try and find a flower market (could not find it, but came across some other really beautiful shops and markets in the process).

I came across some people who made me smile. An old man & his poodle, who had a little bow on its head on the Overground, of whom I came across in again Lewisham about an hour later! Small world, which is very uncommon in bustling London.

Then I strolled past a father & his daughter waiting for the bus: the girl, about 12, looked exactly like I did at that age, and looked so happy. I smiled at her and wished her in my mind all the best for the future.

Life is hard, life has its knocks. I get defensive when this happens – sometimes I just run away from that that causes me pain. But sometimes you can’t always run.

Life is full of rain, and sometimes, you just have to face it.

the way they met.

“This story is for every woman who may be panicking or feeling pressure because they’re in their late 20’s or 30’s and haven’t found the one. I’m sure you have a lot of friends who are married with kids and you feel like you’re running behind. Well I’m here to tell you NOT TO SETTLE. I was married in my mid-twenties. I definitely settled and knew it. I always tell people if there is even one single ounce of you that is telling you it’s not right, listen to that. That tiny feeling will not go away and will only continue to grow. Can you live with that feeling and pain every single day? You shouldn’t. And you deserve not to. There is someone out there for you even if you don’t find them until later in life. I was 30 by the time my divorce was settled. Shortly after, I was in a new relationship. After 2 months, I moved to Philadelphia for my new boyfriend so he could attend grad school. However, after our 2 year anniversary, I ended things. I realized that he wasn’t the one either and I wasn’t going to walk down the aisle again knowing it didn’t feel 100 percent right. At this point, I was 33 and decided to move to LA for MYSELF. I signed up for an online dating app and went on several dates but none that really excited me. Until I met Reid. We set our first date for drinks and the rest is history. After two weeks, I knew I didn’t want to date anyone else. Now 3.5 years later, we’re married and trying for a baby at 36! I think I realized Reid was the one the first time he did something that upset me. In my two other long-term relationships, there was always a lot of conflict and defensiveness if I brought up something that upset me. So I braced myself for the worse when I told Reid that I felt bothered and un-loved by one of his actions. His response was so understanding, apologetic, and filled with love. He made me feel like I had a true partner. This is something I had NEVER felt before and always longed for. Reid and I never fight! I’ve realized relationships shouldn’t be THAT hard- in fact, they should actually be pretty simple. Your partner is supposed to be the person who you tackle life’s hardships with not the one who creates them.”

I saw this beautiful post today on The Way We Met, a Facebook page sharing how people all over the world met their significant other. I am a huge fan of these kind of pages – I love seeing the many different ways that people come into contact with their love. How they collide in this place we call earth. Some ways are the epitome of fate, others are more ordinary, but nonetheless special.

This one really spoke to me. I’m a huge believer in not doing something just because you believe you have to. Taking time in love. Doing what you love, and what YOU want to do, and letting love and life happen in its wake.

This is a beautiful story, and I couldn’t help but share.

Lou x

sunday song.

Nothing you say
Will ever be wrong
‘Cause it just feels good being in your arms
And I’m running with you
As fast as I can
Singing to myself I wanna hold your hand
And we’re going downtown
‘Cause we feel like running around


When I was a teenager and I had just learnt to drive, I sometimes would stop on the way home from a movie or dinner out with friends. I’d pull the car over on the side of the country road, a minute from our house, and lay on the bonnet of the car. I’d gaze up at the stars for a few moments, taking deep breaths in.

The stars out there are so vivid – no smog, pollution, usually cloudless in the dead of summer – the heavens sprawled out above me. It would always take my breath away. I’d lay there and think about whatever I needed to. It could be love, or life, homework, my parents. The future, the past. Or maybe even just appreciating the stars. The little pictures they make up, which change with each turn of the head.

I still do it, sometimes, when I return home. I’m still that same 17 year old girl; the same girl who appreciates the little moments, the girl who needs her own space and time to understand the world.

The girl who, if you are lucky, will look at you like you are stars.



all the little people in this big
we are full

we all have
big dreams
big hopes
big secrets

at the frayed edges of us

so please

love your big dreams
your big hopes
your big secrets

for that means you love
all of you

and please
for those you

love their big dreams
their big hopes
their big secrets
should they tell you

feel honoured
for secrets are hard work
both keeping

and telling.