to growth//growing.

people say, “if you could give your fifteen year old self advice, what would you say?” 

i could say, let your hair down, girl. you have the most amazing curls hiding in that bun, but you never let it down to see. i could say, do more extracurricular! it’ll help you with your university application. i could say, talk to that guy on the bus. you wanted to, and now you regret it. i could say, stop being so indecisive. this will affect your relationships in the future.

i’m 25 now, and i’m starting to realise the importance of growth and the learning curve of growing up.

i wouldn’t want to be told what to do when i was fifteen. would i really listen? i was a different person then. i’m a different person now. everything that i have learned, i have learnt through experience. experience is a bitch. you’re one step ahead, then two steps behind. you’re being pulled along by someone, not realising, then dropped. you’re being taken advantage of and confusing it with love.

your actions lead you to where you are. your decisions, your mistakes, your successes. i didn’t talk to that guy on the bus, because i wasn’t confident enough. then came university, and i gained the confidence i needed.

we aren’t born with the tools to deal with every situation.

so, the decisions i make today are because i want to make them. and more importantly, because i can. i’m using the tools from my past. i believe it is right, so i will go with that.

i’ve always struggled with the opinions of others. in a way, it has made simple decisions harder than they need to be. i told my friend at lunch today, “i’m starting to let go of the need to please everybody, and going with my gut.”

my gut will lead me somewhere.

i will grow from this. i will continue growing.

so, fifteen year old jamie? just be you. do what you’re doin’.

(okay, maybe one thing – let down your hair!)