flaws//real talk

Let’s talk about flaws.

I read a quote today: “You cannot truly grow as a person if you do not accept who you really are.”
So, flaws. We all got ’em! It doesn’t make us any less than anybody else.
Now here’s my issue. I can accept who I am most of the time – my awkward jokes, my hair that always curls and frizzes, my lack of ability in any mathematical skills, my forgetfulness. That’s okay. I can deal with that.
But, I can’t accept the fact that I lie.
I tend to lie, tiny little white lies, because I don’t want to hurt people. That’s why I do it. No other reason. I do it subconsciously & it has been a major issue in my relationships. It comes from a good place, and I never mean anything mean or malicious by doing it. I just hate causing any conflict at all in my life.
I don’t always lie. I just…omit the truth, or tell it in a very casual, roundabout way. I tip-toe around people’s feelings. I don’t like to hurt people so I just don’t say anything, even when it is very important.
I hurt myself by hurting others, when I tried to avoid hurting them in the first place (what a mouthful!) By them finding out I had  not told them something important, and being disappointed that I hadn’t mentioned it.
I have told myself, time and time again – I will be better. I will tell the truth no matter what. No matter how big. And in all seriousness, I have gotten better. I have been a more honest, open person.
But, because we are human, and you can’t fight nature – sometimes, I just do it again. It’s all down to me wanting to be the best that I can be. And when I’m not? Disappointment in myself.

But really, I have to accept there are parts of me that are just that. They are me. No one else

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9 thoughts on “flaws//real talk

  1. Jamie …. wow! How much do you feel you have grown just by writing this? It is a big life changer to really look at yourself and become conscious of things you want to change. You may like to read this book. I found it amazing and you appear to be at that point in the road with the whole self-awareness thing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Celestine_Prophecy . It isn’t religious it’s more spiritual. Everyone who I know that has read it has been totally amazed at the impact of the ideals written in the book! šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It did seem like quite a negative post, but it really helped to get it out there and I feel a lot better! I have come a long way. I really want to read that book and I am going to go look for it! Thank you again šŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. My husband lies to avoid conflict too, but it causes space between us and creates a lack of trust. Truth can hurt, but then it can heal too. Good luck on controlling your bad habit. To break it will take some gumption and a willingness to not be liked sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kudos to you for your honest words! I feel I have the opposite problem sometimes. I try to ALWAYS be honest but find that sometimes in doing so I do hurt peoples feelings, or put people off. It’s a delicate balance…

    Like

  4. This was an awesome post!

    I think the “little white lies” just shows that you’re a caring person, so in my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but I cans see where conflict could arise.

    In my experience, little white lies got me nowhere. Some people thought I was sweet, others just thought I was too afraid to speak up. Until I actually lost people, I never changed. Now, I honestly prefer being honest. People have called me an asshole, a jerk — a majority admired it all at the same time. I know the feeling you were talking about, not hurting their feelings. But how I usually think about it now is: “Yes, I’m a dick sometimes. But I’m not pretending not to be. These are my opinions and you asked for them. I care enough about you to not keep honest opinions from you.” That’s not to say it won’t hurt people, no. It may. But at the end of the day, they’ll admire you for being true when everyone else wasn’t.

    Awesome post, once again! It made me think a lot as well. šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you SO much Mike. That was so wonderful to read, it actually made me feel better about myself. I know that people change, and I think now, that my little “lies” are affecting other people, it’s making me want to really change. & I respect honesty in other people, so I would like to also be able to be that, and respect myself in that sense.
      So thank you, it was great to hear your perspective and see how you also changed šŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey,

    Haha. No problem, thank YOU! You should always feel good about yourself. After all, everything you’ve done up until this point; the dating — was because of who you are. People obviously saw you as a good person. And yup, I can understand that. Kind of like the “Treat as you’d like to be treated” thing, but in regards to respect. Well, I hope things turn out the way you’d like them to, so good luck with the process!

    You should write a part 2, as it happens. Haha.

    Just remember: It’s not the mistakes we make, it’s the mistakes we make and don’t fix. So that respect thing has nothing to do with who you are and if you don’t like it, you’re going about what’s right for you in wanting to change. Good luck! šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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